


Nine Guys, Highlighters, and Dyes

by UbiquitousSpontaneities



Series: Side Quests and Small Talk [4]
Category: Linked Universe - Fandom, The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: "every hero has a hair color other than blonde au", Crack, Hair Dye, Linked Universe (Legend of Zelda), Wow, but this..., i know i said the last one was too, theres some good lines, yes this is from october
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-01-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:47:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22447420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UbiquitousSpontaneities/pseuds/UbiquitousSpontaneities
Summary: “Wind, what the fuck have you done to your hair?”“What, you don’t like it?”
Series: Side Quests and Small Talk [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1493024
Comments: 16
Kudos: 208





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> (based on an old hc from the discord, y'all should really stop putting up with my bs lol)  
> im sorry but im still in love with this headcanon? au? idk this was all sparked back in october by a comment by me that not only did Legend dye his hair blonde,,, but that _everyone_ did, and spiraled out of control from there. months later and we've got this finally seeing the light of day! hope y'all enjoy.
> 
> i've decided this'll just be a drabble-ish series type thing, so here's... whatever this is lmao.
> 
> (P.S. Yes i know Jojo's designs don't give them their hats... but just pretend for a moment, if you don't mind. :3)

“Wind, what the _fuck_ have you done to your hair?” 

“What, you don’t like it?” Wind’s grin was so big and Legend’s scowl so large that Four could barely keep himself from laughing. Wild clearly had no qualms about this however, and more than a few of the others followed in his footsteps a moment later. They had found themselves in particular pirate’s time period a few days ago, much to his delight, and had spent the subsequent time trying to hitch a ride on a passing ship to Outset Island. That ship had just happened to belong to a certain princess and her motley crew (introductions had been… interesting to say the least). At some point in the two or so hours between boarding the ship and where they found themselves now, Wind, in his infinite wisdom, had gotten his hands on something to dye his hair a bright fluorescent green - Warriors suspected whatever he had hidden behind his back. 

Before he could continue, a quite angry voice echoed about the ship, immediately followed by a violent blur of movement as Tetra tackled the resident Hero, nearly hurtling them both off the side of the ship before righting themselves. “You _bastard,”_ she hissed, yanking the things he had clenched behind his back out of his hands before unceremoniously tossing them over the side of the ship. “Where did you even find those things, _did you keep a hidden stash on_ **_my_ ** _ship?”_

“Yup!” he chirped, evidently _very_ pleased with this outcome. “And you’ll never know where~” 

“Were those _highlighters_?” Hyrule asked, baffled at the entire situation. 

“This is bullshit,” Legend interrupted, “I go through all this effort to keep my hair dyed and you get to do _this?_ ” 

“ _You dye your hair?”_ On second thought, it seemed like they all shared in Hyrule’s confusion. 

“Shit, did you all not know that?” At the bewildered looks he received, Legend cursed yet again. “Fuck, you weren’t supposed to know that.”

“Wait,” Warriors said hesitantly, “Who else’s hair isn’t naturally blond?” Seven hands quickly raised to join his own, and at the last Warriors joined Legend in his swearing. Wind and Tetra paused in their scuffle to gawk at the group, although Wind did not join in the unenthusiastic failed group high five.

Legend stood there dumbfounded. Warriors, on the other hand, had no such issue as he spoke again. “Wait, so if _you’re_ not blond, and _I’m_ not blond, then who started this whole ‘the Hero is blond’ bullshit? Because I’ll have you know-” 

“It was a _bonding moment,_ Tetra! Why won’t you accept my friendship?” Wind whined from where the pirate in question still had him in a headlock. 

“Because you’ll make me look like a damn _fool_ , that’s why. You know as well as I do that I work hard to keep these tars under control, I’m not gonna let a carouser like you mess that up,” Her anger was hard to take seriously, considering her face broke out into a vicious grin as he wiggled. Obviously not because she began to noogie him. No, of course not. 

He pouted for a moment, before he finally registered why the rest of his companions were currently experiencing the mental equivalent of the Window reboot noise. 

“Wait, does that mean, _I’m_ the only truly blond Hero? Oh that is _rich.”_ Wind’s laughter was punctuated as Tetra dropped him to the floor with a loud thud, only pausing for a single wince and a half-hearted swipe at an already out-of-range Tetra. He could barely get the words out past his mirth as he continued. “ _And I’m the one who had to force the Goddesses to choose me?_ This is _hilarious_.”

“Shut up ink-for-brains, at least do it properly.” Legend scoffed, his own brotherly fist finding its way to Wind’s shoulder in Tetra’s absence. “You lucky bastard, all you gotta do is color it, none of this bleaching nonsense.” 

“Yeah, sorry.” Sky said sheepishly, to exactly no one’s surprise. “That may have been my fault.” 

The group was in disarray, a significant portion still baffled, while the rest were at various points in the confusion-denial-acceptance process. The only one to have speed-ran all three currently stared off into the waning sunset, resigned to his fate as the only one competent enough to bring the group back under control. This was just their luck, wasn’t it? Who else would have to deal with such a stupid tradition- 

His exasperated sigh finally brought the group’s attention back to Time. Wild was pulled from his gawping at the still feuding Tetra and Wind - they were arguing about trains now it seemed? Or something related - and Legend had finished his quite frankly unwarranted rant regarding hair color and something called lemon juice, resuming his typical grumbling. 

“If we don’t do this now, we’re just going to be pissing each other off about it for weeks, so,” Time gestured around the group. Legend scoffed, and went right back to grumbling after flinging his hat off his head to the rather grimy deck before him. 

“If you don’t mind,” Time said, taking his hat off with a rather uncharacteristic flourish to reveal his own roots to be a shade of red that was remarkably similar Legend’s pink. 

With a shrug, Twilight removed his own cap. Surprisingly, there was little contrast between the deep purple of his roots and the faded brown towards the ends. This was completely untrue for Wild, who’s fresh growth was such a shocking shade of banana yellow that the rest were genuinely surprised they hadn’t noticed it sooner, considering what a combat hazard it had the potential to be. 

Sky barely hesitated as he tugged his off, though his face flushed bright red as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, uh…” he gave a small smile as he rearranged the white mess. “Sorry?” 

“I mean I guess it can’t hurt,” Hyrule muttered, his own ragged hat giving way to reveal a dusty shade of blue. As he glanced around the group, he noticed Legend’s astonished gaze fixed upon him. Before he could question it though, all eyes went to Four. 

As the only one in the group lacking a cap, they had been rather curious, considering he had raised his hand. But rather than answer, Four simply said, “That’s for me to know, and you to never find out.” 

Legend’s groan shattered the silence once again. “Oh come on man, we all had to do it-” 

“It’s none of your business,” Four continued, a pointed glare at his companions solidifying the point. But then - was that a wink? More than one blinked in surprise, as Four turned away. 

With only one person left, they turned on Warriors. 

“So, pret- Warriors. What. The. Fuck.” The others stood in shock- no, in fear. 

“Warriors, what in the name of all that is holy is _that,_ ” Time said, shielding his eyes from the downright offensive orange glow. 

“I- I think I am actually going blind, Warriors, _how is that natural?”_ Legend finally finished, mouth gaping as he peeked between trembling fingers. 

“I don’t fucking know! You should ask yourself that question, Mr. Pink,” Warriors scoffed, but he pulled his hat back on nonetheless. He clutched it over his ears as he muttered, “It’s not even that weird of a color.”

“ _Yes, it is.”_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is... so dumb but genuinely some of my favorite scenes i've ever written. i hope you enjoy :3

If things had gone the way Warriors had wanted them too, that would have been the end of it. But no, knowing them and the unending catastrophe of the life of a Link, that would have been too good to be true. 

So he found himself lamenting the days before all this insanity, when entire conversations weren’t derailed and civility abandoned as they tried to figure out the truth. 

“Warriors’” Legend glared at him once more, “It’s fucking red, I’ve seen it with my own damned eyes.” 

“It. is. Purple. I’m telling you, I’ve seen it and you _can not_ prove me otherwise,” Warriors whispered back, hunched over the crumpled pile of tinder. He glanced at Four as Legend piled their scavenged wood in the shallow pit. The Hero in question glanced up for a second, made uncomfortable eye contact with Warriors, winked, and returned to whatever it was he was doing - all in the split second it took Legend to light the fire. Warriors blinked. As he turned, Warriors caught another glimpse of vibrant violet beneath the thick shock of hair. He looked to Legend with a triumphant smile.

“Ha-” he started.

“Look again, _blitznak_ .” Legend grinned. With a glare, Warriors hazarded a look towards the lounging smith. Four leaned forward as he sharpened the blade, revealing a small hank of - _no._

“Oh, bullshit.”

“That’s right, pay up bucko.” Legend gestured, making grabby hands for Warriors’ bulging wallet. 

“That was _green_ , if anything we were both wrong, and what are you? _Five?”_

A second later, Warriors registered what he had said. “Wait, what-” 

“Oh, yeah, you guys hadn’t noticed?” Hyrule asked. The two turned their stares towards him. “Four’s hair changes color.” He smiled. “Honestly, I’m a little jealous.” Hyrule looked blissfully off into the distance, completely oblivious of his companions blank stares.  
  
“You _knew?”_ Legend sputtered. 

“You didn’t?” Hyrule grinned, a shit eating grin that would haunt Legend for the rest of his snarky, salty days. “So anyways. _Pay up._ ”

–––––⊱▲⊰–––––

“So wait, Wind, why’d you dye your hair green of all things?” At that, Wind’s eyes lit up. Or, it could have been the neon-ness of his hair, but who’s counting. 

What was literally lit was the small crystal around his neck, pulsing frantically as Wind’s grin grew. A harsh mumble echoed out of the flickering blue light. 

“ _Hoe don’t do it-”_

“Oh! It’s because Tetra-”

“ _OH MY GOD.”_ The pirate’s voice barked out of the pendant, causing Wind to wince. But his smile remained as he loudly continued.

“Dyed her HAIR WITH-” He was cut off once again with a slew of slang, and shot right back with a round of his own. The bickering continued, language quickly getting more and more convoluted - and the increasingly vicious look in Wind’s eyes inched his suspicions that Wind was messing with him closer and closer to confirmation.

Sky blinked. It had only been a question… 


End file.
